Non-anxious Presence

The pastoral counseling course my wife teaches to graduate students uses as a text Edwin Friedman’s book GENERATION TO GENERATION: FAMILY PROCESS IN CHURCH AND SYNAGOGUE. Friedman talks about clergy being a “non-anxious presence” when a parishioner is under stress. From my conversations with seminary students, the concept of “non-anxious presence” sticks in their minds and has immediate usefulness in caring for others.

I recently stumbled onto an online description of a stun grenade, the non-lethal flash-bang that causes temporary blindness and disorientation. What intrigued me was that law enforcement personnel and soldiers can be conditioned so that the stun grenade has little effect on them. To use Freidman’s term, they are trained to be a “non-anxious presence” in an environment of strategically induced stress and disorientation.

As I listen and watch, it seems that we could be entering a season of flash-bang. If so, some people–maybe many–will become anxious and bewildered. In that context we will need a whole host of folks who will be a non-anxious presence, people who will come alongside others so as to absorb the angst. (They must eventually step away and intentionally let the angst evaporate; a human wick, if you will.)

I have no direct influence over what happens on the world stage. My role is standing shoulder-to-shoulder with my neighbor, possibly without saying much. That simple gesture may be enough to nudge open the door of hope and inspire the courage to take the next step.