Back in the 1980s when we got our first answering machine, I decided we needed to do more than the standard “… after the beep …” greeting. So one December day while waiting for the gas tank on my car to fill, I wrote our first dramatized message. After rehearsing the script, the four of us stood around the answering machine to record the 30-second play onto the cassette tape. Over the next decade we wrote and recorded a total of 28 answering machine messages. So without further ado, I present the Schwanz Family Players in 30-second Slices of Life.

Santa’s Red Suit

Long Winter’s Nap

The Pig’s Sty

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Jason Comedy Show

Radio KJKJ

The Robots

The Answering Machine

The Heimlich Christmas

Twilight Zone

Grumps the Groundhog

The Sounds of Spring

Holiday Dressing

Ebenezer Schwanz

The Homestead

Fall Migration

Christmas Rap

Exercise Class

Beep Audition

Busy Tone

Summer Party

Teenage Driver

Vacation Plans

Hey Diddle Diddle

Rudolph’s Snowball Fight

Big 4-0

Brutus & the Insane Asylum

Refrigerator